Elbe MS

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Elbe MS

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    Stories ._.

    kiane
    kiane
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    Posts : 27
    Join date : 2009-05-17
    Age : 30
    Location : Inside :X

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    Post by kiane Thu May 28, 2009 4:43 am

    While i was in my bedroom i made a new story i dont think its rlly cool but i want u guys to rate me Very Happy P.S the story is for children >.>


    Once upon a time there was a fisherman with his wife and 3 childern,this family was realy poor but luckily they had a small pond beside them,which nobody goes to it Sad However, the poor fisherman always takes his hook and goes to that pond every morning to get his family something to eat,anyways,that day he went to that pond it was really a sunny day....but he was like, oh well after i get some fishes i'll return back home...Sad,then he putted the hook in the water for like 2 hours but nothing came up.he was in a horrible feeling,and after 4 hours he started to feel hopeless,so he went back home sadly...in the way to his home he found his old frnd, his frnd asked him ..oh,sup? y r u sad? the fisherman replied because i didnt find any fishes in the pond, and now my family will be soo hungry .his friend felt sry for him, so he gave him 5 slices of bread , and a small box full of cheese,the fisherman was glad, he went to his home happily..the nxt day he went to the pond he putted the hook in the water, for 2 hours and nothing came up,so he was totally hopeless now ...so he went back home and his friend asked again and the fisherman replied the same and then his friend gave him some bread and a box of cheese.then he went to that pond again but nothing came up and the same happened as yesterday.but the third day wen he came to that pond he putted the hook and then something heavy was there!he was soo happy and he called his frnd! COME HELP ME! his frnd came and helped him and they discovered that this heavy thing is a BIG HUGE fish,the two were SOO happy and the fisher man told his frnds to come to his house to make a party on that fish!...so wen he came to his wife he showed her the fish, she said WOW i better go and make it so it will be ready for 2moro,wen she was cutting it she saw an OH WOW thingy, it was a huge golden piece.she called her husband and showed it to him, he said i better go and sell it! wen he came back he had LOTS of money. wen the party started the fisherman gave each guest 1mill soo they were rlly happy and they lived happily ever after.....
    Hope u love this story,i read lots of bedtime stories and that helped me ^^Anyways if u guys found any mistakes just say it so i could learn more Wink
    Above
    Above
    Social Butterfly
    Social Butterfly


    Posts : 231
    Join date : 2009-04-23
    Age : 33
    Location : Under your bed

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    Post by Above Thu May 28, 2009 8:51 am

    Nice work Kiane, however you could have changed " y r u sad " to Why are you sad.

    Just little things like that will make it look better, and a few spelling mistakes, other than that it's fine.

    Smile
    kiane
    kiane
    Beginner
    Beginner


    Posts : 27
    Join date : 2009-05-17
    Age : 30
    Location : Inside :X

    Stories ._. Empty Re: Stories ._.

    Post by kiane Thu May 28, 2009 9:11 am

    Ty above,i think I'll write the story agan without those spelling mistakes ._.
    and btw i wrote "y r u sad" cuz i wanted to finish soonly Razz

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